Marriage #2
Date:
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
File Size: 11.31MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of marriage, where respect and gratitude are paramount. They suggest spending time together and noticing each other's behavior to improve the marriage, as it is crucial to have a selective memory. The importance of being mindful of one's thoughts and feelings, as it is crucial to remember and forget negative thoughts, and the need to be mindful of one's thoughts and feelings is crucial to have a selective memory.Transcript ©
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My brothers and sisters,
we are talking about the subject of marriage.
And as I mentioned to you, Allah
mentioned in this beautiful ayat of Surat Rum,
where he called marriage
one of his signs.
Allah considered marriage to be so important that
he called it one of his signs.
And he gave us the same formula to
make that the most beautiful thing in life.
The first khatira of this was about the
first word that Allah
used to describe
a beautiful marriage. That word is sukoor.
And the second word that Allah
used was the word love.
Allah said,
The second word is.
Means love. Now love is not simply
to be seen,
or to be taken in a physical sense
of,
intimacy,
but love
begins, true love begins
from respect.
True love begins from respect.
True love begins from gratitude.
These are 2 very important elements,
that define
what is true love.
True love
is a combination
of respect and gratitude.
Respect for the individual, respect for,
the person as a person.
Who they are, their
character,
their achievements and so on. And,
gratitude
for what you receive from them.
Right?
Even if it's a smile, believe me,
the
the sign of a good marriage is that
the spouses
try to excel. They try to do more
and more and more for each other, not
less and less, more and more and more
for each other. But even if it is
a small thing, it is something to be
appreciated. Show respect
and gratitude.
When these 2 are there, then what comes
out of that? The product of that is
this beautiful thing, which is called love.
So this is something to think about. Now
when you
if you want to,
develop this, then there are 2 other important
things. 1 is
to spend time with each other. This is
very, very important.
And, it is sometimes difficult to get
into it, especially for the men. Because
you would have been on your in your
in your bachelor days. So you spend 20,
30 years,
as a
as a bachelor.
And
then you get married.
And then you
suddenly sometimes you feel like you end up
feeling, oh, I'm tied down, this and that.
You know, all these jokes that are that
are made generally about,
and and these are all,
male jokes, and they are made by men
among men. And the whole joke is of
this freedom. You know, my wife went off
to her to her,
family, and so I'm free and this and
that.
Believe me, these are, they're they're not even
funny. I mean, as far as I'm concerned,
I think they are ridiculous jokes.
I'm extremely by myself, I'm totally unhappy when
my wife is
not here. So the point I'm saying is
that,
it is very important
to
get used to and love the
issue of love, the state of companionship.
So spending time with your spouse is very
important. It takes time because just like your
friends, I mean, you didn't become so close
to somebody by in on day 1. You
it takes time. And so it will with
your wife as well. But, if you don't
give it that time, it'll never happen. So
it is something to be,
to be you know, that you need to
think about and something to be,
really something to be
worked for. Right? It's that's the whole beauty
of the of the marriage that,
you need to spend time together and,
get
to know one another very well.
Second thing is, and that's even more important,
which is to notice
to notice what
each one does for the other. Right?
Now that is again something which is
doesn't happen. And and
the longer you remain married, the less it
happens,
because you get used to it. You get
used to it. You get,
you know, you start taking taking it for
granted.
And,
that is the cause of,
of misery in marriage because
the the everyday thing is always more
than an event.
So if you're looking at any event or
something, oh, you know, this happened, that happened.
Those are those are even those are,
you know, once in a while things. Right?
But the everyday things for example,
your wife makes,
you know, your food.
I I remember this wonderful story which,
which somebody sent me on,
in on on WhatsApp or something where
this mother makes,
toast for the father. The child is also
there in the room.
Remember, children are watching children. They listen to
their eyes. So be very careful what you
do because this is what you're also conveying
to the next generation.
So the mother makes toast, and the toast
is bought. But the father eats it very
happily
and and and and, you know, he said
thanks for the food and so on and
so forth.
The child watches and the child asks the
father, they say the toast was burnt. How
did you thank mom for it? He said,
every day, the toast she gives
me is perfect.
One day it's burnt. So what do you
want me to complain about?
Now from a from an Islamic perspective, think
about it. I I always remind myself about
this,
which is,
who is the razik?
Who is the one who is giving me
the food? Is it my wife or is
it Allah?
Because if it's Allah,
then what am I complaining about?
My wife only happens to be the the
the agent or the cook happens to be
the agent.
So what's the complaint? Allah is the one
giving me.
And of course, the most, you know, most
commonly used thing, which is,
as I always say, self interest is the
only thing that
inspires you, then so be it. But,
is
the issue of
people. And today, I mean, if you
look at it, take the people in the
Gaza, for example, they're being stopped.
And,
we have we don't we not only have
food, but we have multiple choices of food.
It's not one.
So
noticing
every small thing that a person does. Now
many times we notice every small negative thing
a person does. This is the,
the other part of it, which I want
to mention with this notice, which is it's
very important to be to have a selective
memory.
Notice every single thing and forget the negatives.
Remember only the positives.
This is I'm saying this in your own
good interest, in the best interest of yourself
as an individual.
Remember only the positives.
Forget the negatives.
Because there will be both. I mean, you
know, we are human, so there is no
person created
Ilah Rasulullah
who was perfect in every in every aspect.
And even with Rasulullah,
we have the evidence of the Quran to
know that his wife's
expressed some level of,
you know, unhappiness with him.
Not with him personally, but, you know, for
their circumstances.
And Allah
said
that if you do not want to be
with my Nabi, I will ask him to
divorce you in a beautiful way, and I
will give him better than you.
Now, obviously, there was a problem. That is
the reason why Allah
revealed these ayat of the Quran. So it
is very important to understand
that there will be both. There will be
negatives and there will be positives.
It's up to us what we choose to
notice.
And
and noticing has an effect. Whether you notice
the negative or you notice the positive
has an effect. So choose what you want
to notice.
Choose what you want to remember. So selective
memory, very important. Forget the,
negatives. Remember the positives.
1 of the one of
the, things
in the nature of the woman, especially, is
the opposite. It's to remember the negatives and
forget the positives.
Please, I'm not being sexist or anything like
this. This is,
this is something which is so true that
Nabi Sadat himself mentioned this. He said that
women stockpile,
negative things and they forget a man can
do a thousand good things, and she will
forget all that. She will take it all
for granted, and then one bad thing he
does and she piles on to him. So
this is something, which is in nature of
the female. Therefore, it is good to be
warned about that. It's good to make sure
that you don't fall into that trap. If
you are that woman
to whom this does not apply, then
all power to you. May Allah
grant you every success in life. But if
you are not one of them, if you
are if you are one of those who,
stockpiles negative things, well, here's an opportunity
to stop doing that.
And this doesn't mean that men are exempt
from that.
Women tend to do it more, men tend
to maybe tend to do it less, but
we all do it. We are all we
are all corporations. So let us make sure
that we don't do that. Selective memory. So
three things that I mentioned, respect,
gratitude,
and a selective memory to remember the good
and to forget
the secret of
a happy marriage.
And this is the,
explanation of the word love. When we do
these three things, when we,
when we,
notice,
things, spend time together,
notice what people do
and take note of that.
Our gratitude, are thankful for it. And also,
I I forgot to mention, express this gratitude.
People are not mind readers. Even if they
are mind readers, they like to hear it
from you. So say to them, thank you
very much.
Beautiful meal, beautiful thing.
You are looking so good today. Right?
You did you said something that was so
beautiful. You said this to so and so.
You treated so and so in that way.
You went there. You did that. Always, always,
always thank.
And anyone who say who says, oh, what
do you see? He knows. She knows. Why
do I need to say it? Ask yourself.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
said, when if you if you express thanks,
I will increase my bounty on you. Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala, if you think your wife
knows, your husband knows, then Allah doesn't know.
Even Allah
even knows what's in your heart. Despite that,
Allah said, if you thank, I will increase
my blessing on you. And if you are
ungrateful,
Allah said, if you are ungrateful,
then beware my punishment is severe.
So it is not a question of whether
the other person knows or does not know.
It's a question of your attitude. It's a
question of
an attitude of gratitude, which is very, very
important. And the third thing is to have
a selective memory.
Remember the good, and forget forget the bad.
Right? This is very, very important in a
marriage. To keep the marriage happy, I ask
Allah
to enable us to do that which is
pleasing to him, and thereby create a marriage
very, very happy together. InshaAllah.
very, very happy together. InshaAllah.